he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
