I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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