this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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