yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
