Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
