After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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