I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
