my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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