After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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