remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
