So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
