do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
