i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Randomize