dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
