Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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