I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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