based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
