We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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