He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
