Screwed.edu
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
