Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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