the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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