in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
