I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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