Apparently you make a good broom.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
