You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
