don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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