Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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