do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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