You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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