What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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