i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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