it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
