Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
