Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Randomize
