I'm so fucking centered right now
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize