Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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