Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
