What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
