FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
