My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
the liver wants what the liver wants
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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