how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
