I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize