I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
