What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
