turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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