K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
