mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
