i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
