Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
