PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
