Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
