Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
