Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
