New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I see more hoeing in ur future
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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