I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I need a burrito and a hug.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
