listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Randomize
