Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
