Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize