Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
