Just fell off a train. Bad.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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