next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
