OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
