Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
