she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
