I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
