cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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