shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I came so hard my ears popped.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
