TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
