Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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