I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
