I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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