she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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