If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
