you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
