i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
