You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
